The world of employment has had tenuous ties to me for the past year and a half... Seriously, I am considering turning this blog into a unemployment chronicle- I would clearly have a broad audience!
I feel like a frustrated beaver (no double entendre intended) who continues to chew maniacally on a tree trunk never to have the pleasure of watching the tree finally crack and fall. I want to feel the success of working hard and seeing the benefits, I want to build my damn (or house, but whatever). But instead I seem to be on a hamster wheel spinning away and going nowhere (I may have mixed too many metaphors at this point since the picture in my head is now of a beaver in a hamster wheel which would certainly not work logistically).
Sean assures me that I am being negative and all the work I am putting in will help get me where I want to go. I suppose it is my first true test of faith, or fake it 'till you make it or something because I am still working at it; scouring the internet, networking at my temporary (for five months now) position and applying for anything and everything in higher education and market research that I come across. I am still working at it even though I don't believe I am getting anywhere, there are no sign posts and I cannot prove anything but here I am. It is like my own employment dark night of the soul (I have always known Mother Teresa and I had lots in common, not really but it's something to aspire to).
Anyway it has been a while since I wrote. On the bright side my pants button again, I just finished the 30 for 30 remix and I didn't buy one article of clothing for the last 30 days. I have been really busy teaching yoga after my day job and on the weekends (see I am somewhat of an asset to society) which is a-ok with me, AND I am about to go home to Pittsburgh for a visit and the marriage of one of my oldest childhood friends. In fact her wedding is at her home which I have have very fond (and rebellious) memories of and the parking is at our grade school down the street- nostalgia overload. I may wear a cotton terry dress to really bring home the point...
Oh Luce! I am so sorry for all the frustration you've experienced. You definitely can't blame yourself for getting down about it. Anyone would feel the same. I hope the yoga studio is still treating you well. I will be back down there in a few weeks and you guys better be there!! It has been months since I've seen you!!
ReplyDeleteCan relate big time. Whenever I was particularly down and numb about my unemployment (or my just-biding-my-time-pseudo-employment), Scott would give me this great quote. Which, true to form, I can't remember at all. I tried to google it, but got nothing. But anyway, it was something about how an arrow nocked to a drawn bow has no idea that it's about to be sent into "swift and purposeful flight". How to the arrow, it SEEMS like nothing is happening, but it's about to be suddenly sent on to it's singular purpose.
ReplyDeleteScott kept telling me that all of the waiting and the angst was preparing me for what comes next. I do know that, character-wise, my unemployment time was formative. But very, very frustrating. It's a hard scene. Hang in there. Be easy on yourself.