...girl blowing in the wind...

I was looking at my blog stats thing morning and saw that one of the keyword phrases that someone searched, and in turn led them to me was, "girl blowing in the wind."

I really love that.

It just made my day.

Just thought I would share.

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...times they are a changin'... for now...

Well after my mini meltdown things have picked up immensely- funny how that works, but I can't quite bring myself to trust or enjoy it fully.

The upside is that I was offered (and I accepted) a position as part-time psychology faculty at the Art Institute of Atlanta and  began last Thursday.  The downside is that I climbed a bit higher and now fear the fall even more than from that other lowly ledge I was clinging to.  Does that sound pathetic?  I am not trying to be weak or whiny, just honest I think.  My first class actually went amazingly well, we talked about research methods, schools of thought- oh and I told them Humanism was like the sweet old aunt of psychotherapy that always makes you muffins (we are keeping it real simple ;)).

I remember a yoga class, or maybe it was during my training, when we talked about emotional life being like a wave- there are ups and downs.  The only given is that you will in fact continue to float up and down until, I guess, you sink to the bottom.  I eluded to my own malingering in the trough of the wave in my last post and now I may have begun the long climb out and I find myself hesitant to enjoy it.  Isn't that funny?  To a certain extent I got what I wanted and now I am afraid to play with it- lest I scratch the paint perhaps?

What is the point of getting what I want, or succeeding, or even just staying the course throughout the low times if I am not at least going to try to push myself onto my knees and surf that damn wave for a minute?

The upside: I have a wave to surf.
The downside:  I might fall.

Time to do a fluffy design post, coming next I promise.

...tenuous ties...

The world of employment has had tenuous ties to me for the past year and a half...  Seriously, I am considering turning this blog into a unemployment chronicle- I would clearly have a broad audience!

I feel like a frustrated beaver (no double entendre intended) who continues to chew maniacally on a tree trunk never to have the pleasure of watching the tree finally crack and fall.  I want to feel the success of working hard and seeing the benefits, I want to build my damn (or house, but whatever).  But instead I seem to be on a hamster wheel spinning away and going nowhere (I may have mixed too many metaphors at this point since the picture in my head is now of a beaver in a hamster wheel which would certainly not work logistically).

Sean assures me that I am being negative and all the work I am putting in will help get me where I want to go.  I suppose it is my first true test of faith, or fake it 'till you make it or something because I am still working at it; scouring the internet, networking at my temporary  (for five months now) position and applying for anything and everything in higher education and market research that I come across.  I am still working at it even though I don't believe I am getting anywhere, there are no sign posts and I cannot prove anything but here I am.  It is like my own employment dark night of the soul (I have always known Mother Teresa and I had lots in common, not really but it's something to aspire to).

Anyway it has been a while since I wrote.  On the bright side my pants button again, I just finished the 30 for 30 remix and I didn't buy one article of clothing for the last 30 days.  I have been really busy teaching yoga after my day job and on the weekends (see I am somewhat of an asset to society) which is a-ok with me, AND I am about to go home to Pittsburgh for a visit and the marriage of one of my oldest childhood friends.  In fact her wedding is at her home which I have have very fond (and rebellious) memories of and the parking is at our grade school down the street- nostalgia overload.  I may wear a cotton terry dress to really bring home the point...